Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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