the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
