ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
