Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
