My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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