is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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