I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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