Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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