I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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