If that was your dad, he is hot
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
