They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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