i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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