I heard we made out
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
