be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
