I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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