I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize