just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
