do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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