i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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