I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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