sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
