Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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