Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
