Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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