My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
