I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize