im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
