If i come over, it means nothing
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
