dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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