when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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