Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
