I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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