Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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