they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize