it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
