everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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