So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
