coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
its liver damage thursday
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
