Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
