I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Shame is for Republicans.
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