I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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