brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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