last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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