if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
