gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
