Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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