This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
