yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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