i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
