So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize