well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
