Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
