Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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