You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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