I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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