All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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