You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
