chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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