Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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