They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
look no pants
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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