Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
