my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
