It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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