"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
