Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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