I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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