Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
