can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
