It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
