well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
