I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
