My friends, they love my intelligence
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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